Dating Secrets Revealed - A Nostalgic Look at The Good Old Date
Who knows? Who cares? It's all lost in the mists of time.
We're stuck with the stupid term, so we'd better try to make some sense of it.
The very term "dating" is, itself very outdated for this twenty first century world.
Nowadays, proud Moms boast that little Cedric sent his first text message at only eleven months and seem totally oblivious to the fact that, at eighteen he is still totally incoherent, communicating only with his fingers and a keypad, supplemented with the occasional primeval grunt when cash or food is required.
It's ironic that the individuals with the highest University qualifications in communication seen the least able to communicate with each other in society.
Marriage is a dying institution and teenagers change partners more often than barn dancers.
Bring back Dating.
That's what Grumpy says.
Dating secrets revealed is what today's youth cries out for - that and the easy life.
More with the melting chocolates and wilting flowers pinched from the cemetery.
The innocent romance in the back of a very large gas-guzzling American car.
Any sort of serious hanky-panky was out of the question due to the amazing armour like qualities of the female underwear of the time and the fact that the back of the car was so large the aspiring bonker and bonkee couldn't even find each other without the aid of an industrial strength flashlight.
Many's the morning I've woken with my fingernails and knuckles ripped to shreds and bleeding only to be berated by my mother for fighting whilst my father looked on proudly, knowing that the damage was done attempting to remove a 1950s brassiere in order to sample the delights within.
Such delights, more often than not, turned out to be about a box and a half of Mr Kleenex's finest, super-soft toilet paper or Miss Kimberly Clark's superior quality tissues, delicately perfumed with lavender, if my olfactory memory serves me correctly.
In my opinion - a complete and reckless waste of a perfectly good rain forest.
Ever since then I've always associated lavender with being let down with a resounding thump - a sense of disappointment akin to the one you get when your income tax return cheque arrives.
Dating secrets revealed - in the truest, most tedious and frustrating sense of the word.
Bring back Dating - where the spotty faced youth with the stovepipe trousers and the winkle-picker shoes, hair in a cow-lick, stumbles home doubled over in agony, the tears of frustration and failure coursing down his acne covered cheeks.
His top lip aquiver, despite its covering of a smudge of bum-fluff that he's been carefully cultivating for the past nine months.
Bring back Dating - where, two blocks away, the fresh faced, newly permed, blonde, teenage homecoming queen attempts to remove her white bobby-socks only to be thwarted by the spasms of uncontrollable laughter caused by the recent memory of the aforementioned spotty faced youth trying to un-clasp her brassiere.
She didn't try to stop him.
Why should she? She knew that her loving father had thoughtfully welded it before she left for the High School Hop.
Finally - I get to Dating secrets revealed.
Communication is what dating's really all about.
We all walk down the street and see the most beautiful people, both males and females and say "I wish...
But, honestly, we don't wish.
What we do wish is that we could find is someone that we were comfortable with, that we trusted completely and that we could communicate with - and not exclusively by text message! Dating is a learning process and it's not an easy subject to learn.
For honest, healthy help you need someone who really knows what they're talking about.
You can find that someone by following the advice below.
Give it a try - you'll find that it makes life easier, not only for you, but for everyone around you who has the misfortune to have to put up with you while you're going through this trying time.
Good luck and I'm sure that you'll find all the help that you need - if you look for it in the right place.